How therapy can help you show up different in relationships

How we show up in our relationships can be significantly impacted by our past.

Find yourself stuck in patterns of disconnection, reactivity or self-sabotaging behaviours? But don't understand why? Keep reading

A lot of our relational difficulties are rooted in old patterns. At times, these may have been survival strategies, ways of being, which once kept us safe. While these behaviours may have kept us safe in the past, when we are stuck in these modes in adulthood, they can often begin to be the problem.

Attachment styles are patterns of how we relate to other people, especially people we are in close or intimate relationships with. They are developed through our early life experiences, typically with our parents or primary care givers.

If our psychological and emotional needs are met in childhood or early life, we are more likely to be able to develop a secure attachment style - where we feel able to trust others and be trust worthy, communicate our needs and emotions, and navigate conflict in a healthy way.

If we did not have our emotional and psychological needs met in childhood or early life, we may develop a different attachment style, that being anxious, avoidant, or disorganised. These attachment styles can make it really difficult for us to feel trust in relationships, to feel reassured or safe, it may be difficult to express vulnerability, it may also be difficult for us to be consistent in relationships.

Often, we may get to a point where we recognise difficulty within relationships, and it can feel overwhelming trying to navigate this on our own.

The good thing is, our attachment styles can change. We can move towards a secure attachment through safe, consistent relationships, and insight building into our patterns, to aid in cognitive, emotional and behavioural change.

Understanding our own relational patterns is paramount to this change. Once we truly understand ourself in a relationship (what makes us feel safe, unsafe, why we are reactive, what our protection mechanisms are and how to manage these), we can work towards security in attachments with others.

If you are looking for a trauma-informed psychologist in Prahran, Melbourne, to explore your attachment style please reach our via our enquiry form.